He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
