I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize