Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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