he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's blow job season.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to make out with him forever
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
