woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
