piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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