So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
