And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Panties = found
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
