SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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