Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I intend to get homeless drunk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
