if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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