the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
