Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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