no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize