drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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