i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize