You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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