I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
