We named our party play list daddy issues
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
