sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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