guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
