I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
