Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
