I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize