I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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