they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
