I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
