So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
