So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
