yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
