the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
