the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
