Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
