This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
