Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
