You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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