he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
