looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
