i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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