Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
