Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
