Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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