she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
