Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
