They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
