Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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