Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
