That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
