All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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