Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
