ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
