Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
