Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize