How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
