# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
