I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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