So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
