So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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