i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
