Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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