The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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