We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
