yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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