remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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