she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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