I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize