What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
