Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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