A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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