I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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