So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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