i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
