At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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