she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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