escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
