you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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